Serving Sir Charles, Part II

The 1985-86 Philadelphia 76ers lost in seven games to a very good Milwaukee Bucks team in the second round of the 1986 Eastern playoffs, Philly's best player (Moses Malone) sidelined due to an eye injury throughout the series. A Sixers team with legitimate championship aspirations had good reason to believe they were better than a second-round loser after falling without Moses, on the road in a Game 7 and by a single point.

A day later, the Sixers jumped up five points, winning the 1986 NBA draft lottery. Philly held the rights to the Clippers' pick that year, the 32-win Clippers finished with the sixth-worst record in the NBA but lottery luck led the selection straight to the top. Philly grabs a No. 1 pick in the 1986 draft to augment what was considered a top-five NBA team in 1985-86, another youngster to play alongside the All-Rookie stud gleaned from the 1984 lottery, a forward about to make 11 consecutive All-Star teams: Charles Barkley.

The Sixers certainly owned spots to fill: Julius Erving's retirement tour was scheduled for 1986-87, Bobby Jones (who started five games in the Milwaukee series while Malone sat) retired after 1985-86. Maurice Cheeks was in his prime, about to make three consecutive All-Star teams, while Barkley was ahead of schedule on the way toward MVP consideration.

Another franchise player – North Carolina's Brad Daugherty, Maryland's Len Bias – would go quite nicely with this group. Each collegians are low-key personalities, the perfect offset to Cheeks' right-through-you glare and Barkley's opened tap.

Daugherty can fit at big forward and move over to center as the 31-year old Moses Malone (the 1979, 1982, and 1983 NBA MVP) recovers in his 12th pro season. Bias could play hybrid forward next to Barkley, who worked at small forward for the first few seasons of his career. Each pick would be perfect, and neither worked for the 76ers, who traded the choice to Cleveland.

Flipping the No. 1 pick was always in Philly's cards. If not arguable after Jones' retirement, with veteran help needed immediately to support Barkley and Cheeks, lending Malone the relief he deserved, suiting Erving in his standing ovation season. Instead, Philly dealt Moses Malone to Washington, which made sense for a second until you heard what Philly got back.

The Sixers traded for 27-year old Jeff Ruland, who led the league in minutes per game (41.1) for the Bullets in 1983-84 and paid for it with his career, legs failing him, working 67 games the next two seasons. Philly also traded Barkley's best buddy on the team, (perfect role player) Terry Catledge, plus Philly's own 1986 pick and Washington's own 1988 first-round pick (which Philly held) in exchange for Ruland, and Cliff Robinson. Not that one.

The deal made no sense unless viewed as the salary dump it was, even if Ruland returned to All-Star form, and Jeff worked five games the following season before retiring. It made less than zero sense a day later, when the Sixers dealt the top overall pick in the 1986 NBA draft to Cleveland for Roy Hinson, and cash.

The front office had to do nothing, somehow did worse. We don't underrate the task: Philadelphia's ownership parsimony, Erving and Jones are hardly replaceable Hall of Famers, Moses Malone certain to be the same. It was somewhat understandable why Philly dealt either the No. 1 pick or Moses for a group of forwards you never saw play and a center who never played.

But not both, and not like this. Sixers owner Harold Katz didn't have to be cheap and Sixers GM Pat Williams didn't have to play clever with his largesse.

Earned largesse: Pat made the two Clipper trades which gave Philly boffo picks (Barkley and Brad Daugherty for World B. Free and Joe Bryant?). He was also the one with the guts to draft Barkley in the first place, ahead of more orthodox contributors available within the 1984 NBA draft. Brilliant work, but he tried to play genius, and there are no geniuses here.

Just doofuses who think they can run a basketball team. So, let's run this basketball team.

WHAT IF WE TRADED THE TOP PICK?

Daugherty had his doubters ahead of the 1986 draft, the Sixers bought into being clever and sent the No. 1 overall selection to Cleveland in exchange for forward-then-center Roy Hinson. The Cavs also sent along $750,000, a larger bundle of cash than the highest salary on six NBA teams in 1985-86.

Hinson was a good shot-blocker and shyte rebounder who exclusively worked at forward his first three seasons in Cleveland, keeping the nowhere Cavs absolutely nowhere while averaging 19.6 points per game in 1985-86. Most important to Katz: Hinson was signed for the next four seasons at about three-quarters of Daugherty's yearly rate (the top pick's salary in Cleveland began at around $800,000). Hinson wasn't bad with the Sixers, averaging over two blocks per game at forward, but he wasn't a center.

Pairing Hinson with Moses and Barkley would work yet the trio never had the chance, dealing both Moses plus the top pick was always a package deal.

Philly was after salary savings, we can't replace one or the other without lopping obligations off Howard Katz' payroll. The Sixers cut close to $1.3 million dealing Moses and Catledge for Ruland and Robinson, while losing the need to pay that No. 21 pick in the 1986 draft. The Sixers cut about a half-million swapping Daugherty for Hinson, plus the $750,000 Cleveland gave Katz, the amount Kiki VanDeWeghe made in 1985-86 to drop 25 a game for Portland. If we deal Daugherty and that No. 21 pick but keep Moses, we've still got to cut elsewhere.

This means nothing fancy, like swapping the No. 1 pick for Buck Williams or Larry Nance, we can't take on approximate or even diminished salary.

But we can stick with the original course, deal the No. 1 pick and No. 21 pick and Clemon Johnson (over $400,000) to Cleveland for Cleveland's 1987 and 1989 and 1991 selections. That's about $1.4 million in 1986-87, sent elsewhere for zilch.

Cavs GM Wayne Embry doesn't need further rookies after securing Daugherty and Ron Harper and Johnny Newman in the 1986 draft, trading a future second-round pick and cash for Mark Price, bringing rookie Hot Rod Williams back from overseas. Embry earns the No. 21 pick to select Scott Skiles. Or Arvydas Sabonis. Or Nate McMillan. Or Dennis Rodman. Or Greg Drieling. Or Jeff Hornacek. Or Panagiotis Fasoulas. Or Anthony Jones.

Philly could trade the No. 1 and No. 21 with Clemon Johnson to Dallas for Dale Ellis and Detlef Schrempf and Dallas' 1987 pick. Send Sedale Threatt to the Spurs for a future second-rounder to calm the cash waters.

Remind Katz that in this scenario, he doesn't send for support after Jeff Ruland's feet fail him in 1986-87, shipping a future first-round pick (Shawn Kemp) to Seattle for over a million in salary in Tim McCormick and Danny Vranes. And the Sixers own all future first-round choices plus the Mavs' 1987 selection and Washington's 1988 pick to deal for cheaper, crummier vets to disappoint Charles Barkley.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE KEEP MOSES

By this point in his dozen-year career, Moses Malone was on eight professional teams, played for five, and been traded for five different first-round picks: Rick Robey, Kenny Carr, Rodney McCray, Wesley Cox, and Michael Ray Richardson.

Instead of receiving picks for Moses Malone, with three future All-Star campaigns left in him (two with the Bullets), six great seasons and nine total seasons remaining, the Sixers sent out first-round picks: Washington grabbed Philly's first-rounder in 1986 and Washington re-grabbed its own first-rounder in 1988, which Philly earned in 1984 for dealing Tom Sewell to Washington (a move made to clear cap space for Charles Barkley's rookie contract).

Katz clearly does not want first-round draft picks, he wants both a forward partner for Barkley (slated to work at small forward) and a replacement for Julius Erving, retiring after 1986-87, and a replacement for Bobby Jones. We want to keep Malone, love our deal with Dallas, but there is still salary to trim.

New Chicago Bulls GM Jerry Krause is clearing house, earning future picks from franchises silly enough to take on the Bulls Krause doesn't like. Which are all of them, including Michael Jordan, though Mike's off the table.

In the same spirit that saw the Bulls grab picks (1987's No. 8 pick Scottie Pippen and 1989's No. 6 pick Stacey King) for problems (Jawann Oldham, Orlando Woolridge), the Bulls could take on Andrew Toney's aching feet in exchange for the first-round picks Katz wants rid of.

Chicago earns Philly's first-round selections in 1986 (Jerry takes Arvydas Sabonis), 1988 (Vinny Del Negro) and 1990 (Greg Foster) in exchange for paying the injured Toney over $700,000 a year for the next four seasons.

Where hopefully Chicago treats him better than the 76ers (stop laughing) did, when Toney tried and re-tried to play NBA basketball on broken feet:

"I'm relieved in a way, but for the words I want to say, they shouldn't be printed,” Toney said.

"Meat–that's exactly how I'm being treated. Like a piece of meat. Raw meat.

”I'm very disappointed and very bitter. I don't think it was handled right or correctly. I played five years, put in some good years. I got hurt and everybody wanted to second-guess me. I don't think that was right at all.”

The 76ers' orthopedic specialist, Dr. Michael Clancy,

Fake name.

admitted: "The thing I did not do was get a bone scan of the right navicular."

Michael Jordan was big in the news at the time after undergoing a bone scan of his left navicular a month earlier and being ruled out for the season. The navicular was what knocked Bill Walton out of the last decade. It was a famous bone, but Dr. Clancy didn't consider it.

"I don't think a terrible mistake was made. The bone spurs were there, but I thought Andrew would recover. If the spurs aren't painful or symptomatic, you don't worry.”

We understand that stress fractures were tougher to determine in 1986, but Barkley says accidentally tapping Toney's foot on the bench caused Andrew Toney to well up in tears Toney attempted to conceal. Barkley relayed the image of Toney with feet in ice buckets at every available instant, suffering badly through team flights. Sounds painful, symptomatic.

With Toney's salary in Chicago, Moses Malone gets the 1988 extension he seeks, and earned, after a lifetime barreling through uniform after uniform. The Sixers continue to compete with Moses' new, smaller, contract. The salary cap rises, Barkley is happy, Ellis and Detlef provide shooting and versatility, Katz owns salary relief with Toney off the books and no first-rounders to pay. There is room enough to follow through on the real-life addition of Rick Mahorn, as Philly deals into cap space for Mahorn and Sam Mitchell in exchange for Philly's 1992 and 1994 first-round pick.

Washington gets to keep Cliff Robinson, not that one, and Cleveland holds onto Roy Hinson, whoever that is.

WHAT IF WE TRADED MOSES

This is the part of running a basketball team that us doofuses hate.

Malone didn't have a bad back or a bum knee, he took a hit to the face with a week left in the regular season. Everyone slows, but Malone wasn't quite there yet. Worse, he woulda entered 1986-87 ticked about missing a potential championship run the spring before, happy to send (his ABA compatriot) Julius Erving off with heady play and hustle, and Malone was out for a contract extension in 1988. This was a motivated Moses.

Pat Williams let Washington acquire two other All-Star seasons from Malone, plus Washington's own 1988 pick back. Plus Terry Catledge, career 12-point and six-rebound guy. And Pat's own 1986 pick. Too much clever, in a move to avoid Moses' contract extension.

Washington never signed him to one, the Bullets happily let Malone play All-Star ball for two seasons before letting the Hawks sign him as a free agent (Moses made another All-Star team with Atlanta in 1988-89).

There is this scenario: Daugherty with the top pick, not trading Moses and letting Malone "play out the string" (read: All-Star Game, twice) until his contract runs out after 1987-88. We'd have to hope Chicago takes on Toney and someone wants Clemon Johnson.

But Williams keeps Washington's 1988 pick. Washington stinks without Moses, Philly earns the No. 4 selection in the 1988 draft. Barkley talks then-Sixers GM John Nash out of Chris Morris and into Mitch Richmond.

Moses can either flee as free agent (Atlanta offered and Moses accepted a pay-cut at three-years and $4.67 million in 1988, terms Philly can top if they want to) or re-sign with the Philadelphia team he won a championship for, five years earlier.

Or, we trade Moses in 1986. Even with his obvious, positive effect over Barkley.

Even with two seasons of contract control left, three All-Star teams and nearly a decade of NBA ball ahead of him.

The Sixers owe Mo (an estimated, 1986-87 salaries are notoriously tough to detail) $4.2 million over 1986-87 and 1987-88. In our timeline, the Sixers launched about $2.5 million in 1986-87 salary between Moses and Terry and the first-round pick, pulled back at least a million less. We need to replace Moses Malone, Bobby Jones and Dr. goshdarned J. for about $1.4 million.

Hawks wanted Moses two years later, and a 1986 deal with the Atlanta for Randy Wittman (playoff spacing), Kevin Willis (center to play into the next century, saving the Sixers after Daugherty retires in 1996) and Cliff Levingston (Barkley favorite) works.

What if Wayne Embry wants to dig in? Moses AND Daugherty to Cleveland for Hot Rod Williams, Hinson (who wasn't bad, but needed a center like Hot Rod), Ron Harper and Mark Price.

WHAT IF WE KEPT BOTH

Goodbye Terry Catledge.

Hiring Daugherty shoulda been perfect for Philly, he's a nice guy who could ably play power forward and center around or alongside Barkley and Moses. But Katz wasn't swayed by Bobby Jones' half-million coming off the books. Brad starts at $800,000, about three times what Roy Hinson makes.

In real life, Katz dealt Daugherty and Malone and cut the 76ers' salary commitment from approximately $3.4 million to half that number.

Barkley and Malone's contracts cut out in 1988, Erving's after 1987, the rest are quite touchable. We already tried Toney to the Bulls, the Celtics are the only other team which delights in draft picks as much but Boston is out because Boston is Boston. Wayne Embry's Cavs might be tempted at the offer (Toney plus Philly's 1986, 1988 picks plus Washington's 1988 pick) for either Cleveland or Indiana. Don Nelson might dig it for his Warriors.

Then we swap Sixers big Clemon Johnson on the Spurs for ex-Sixers big Marc Iavaroni (a Barkley favorite only traded from Philly, per Barkley, because Pat Williams wanted coach then-Sixers coach Billy Cunningham to play rookie Barkley more). Catledge to Utah for a second-round pick, don't sign Sedale Threatt, and we're in. It's a thin team, but at least it's cheap.

With Moses and Daugherty on board, there is no need to desperately trade the draft pick which later became Shawn Kemp to Seattle for center Tim McCormick and Danny Vranes, an extra million saved in 1986-87.

WHAT IF WE LEFT 1986 ALONE

Back to the normal timeline. It is 1990. Moses gone and Barkley's Sixers struggling, the 1986 first-rounder to Washington, Washington's 1988 first-rounder to Washington. If Moses is out, then Jeff Ruland is in, which means Jeff Ruland is out and we've long ago traded that future Shawn Kemp pick for Tim McCormick out of absolute necessity. McCormick's always-there performances kept the 76ers credible during the struggle of Dr. J's final season.

We can't control the Sixers selecting Christian Welp (1987 at No. 16, name speaks for itself) and Kenny Payne (1989 at No. 19, name speaks for itself) with the first-round choices the Sixers kept.

Seattle grabbed Philly's 1989 first-rounder in 1986. Yet at the 1988 NBA draft Philly picked up Seattle's own 1989 first-round pick. A three-team deal featuring the Clippers and Seattle's acquisition of Michael Cage's haircut and the 76ers trading down from No. 3 Charles Smith to (Clipper pick) No. 6 Hersey Hawkins in the 1988 NBA draft. Smooth move.

Seattle badly wanted the Clippers' Cage, the NBA's leading rebounder in 1987-88. Philly shoulda asked for its own 1989 pick instead of Seattle's own 1989 pick, but did not. Shit move. Seattle picked Shawn with Philly's No. 17 pick. With Seattle's No. 19 pick, Philly picked Payne.

“They booed the selection of Dan Majerle in Phoenix last season,” Philadelphia owner Harold Katz said between puffs of his cigar. “Majerle proved this season he’s going to be one of the next stars in this league. We feel Kenny Payne can do the same thing.”

Vlade Divac, a 6-11 center from Yugoslavia, was passed over, partly because of his inability at the moment to speak fluent English.

As if what Katz said about Kenny Payne was "fluent English."

We wouldn't want to get in the way of Philly dealing its No. 20 selection in 1990 (Gerald Glass) to Minnesota for Rick Mahorn. Without that, we don't have this (for international viewers):

Or this.

Now,

WHAT IF WE NEVER HIRE GENE SHUE AS GM

Whatever it takes not to have to sign Charles Shackleford out of desperation during the same offseason Charles Barkley prepares copy for his autobiography.

We can't get in the way of 1986-through-1990 Philly GM John Nash (hired weeks after Philly traded Daugherty and Moses) leaving to make more money at the same job in Washington.

But maybe we can get in the way of the club hiring Gene Shue in 1990 as replacement. The former Bullets and Sixers coach presided over the final two seasons of Charles Barkley's 76er career, fired a month before the Sixers traded Barkley to Phoenix.

Nash's final two moves were plucking future NBA vets Brian Oliver and Derek Strong in the second round of the 1990 draft, first-round talent with second-round picks, capable players as outgoing present for Nash's hometown team.

Nash also left Shue with Philly's point guard of the 1990s, Johnny Dawkins, a 26-year old who averaged over 14 points and seven assists in his first season with Philly in 1989-90. Top-fifty steal rate, Duke product, signed by Gene Shue to a large contract extension a few weeks before 1990-91, Shue's first season as personnel chief. Four games into 1990-91, Dawkins tears his ACL.

Shue's top 1990 offseason acquisition (at any measure), 7-7 center Manute Bol, did not step into the playmaking vacuum. Veteran playmaker Rickey Green (a minimum-deal Shue acquisition, inked before Dawkins' injury) turned in a miraculous season at age 36 as 76ers' 1990-91 starter, leading Philly to the second round of the playoffs. Dawkins returned in 1991-92 for 82 shaky-leg games but is never the same.

Gene tried, I respect his tries, Shue didn't fit. It ain't Shue's fault that Dawkins fell, but Barkley blasts the Bol acquisition in the book, calling Manute a friend but also a zero offensively and on the glass, forcing the Sixers to play 4-on-5 on both ends. Accurate diagnosis.

The deal cost Shue his first chance at a first-round pick: Golden State took 1997 All-Star Chris Gatling at No. 16 in the 1991 NBA draft with the future first-round pick Gene gave up for Bol.

Shue's second big move sent a 1994 first-rounder to Phoenix for Jayson Williams, then holding out in a contract dispute after the Suns chose Williams No. 21 in the 1990 draft a few months before. Williams would not play well for the Sixers and was dealt to the Nets in 1992 (a few months after Shue's dismissal) for two second-round picks: William Njoku and Kebu Stewart. I've actually heard of Kebu Stewart.

The hiring of Gene Shue wasn't the reason Johnny Dawkins' knee gave out, but if Katz stays in-house (with Taylor Negron-lookalike Tony DiLeo as new GM) and keeps Shue cooling, maybe we can do better. Stave off the embarrassment of dealing a first-rounder for Williams but dropping Williams before his big years, or watching Golden State nail that Gatling pick.

Dawkins still earns his five-year, $8.8 million contract, signed with Bird rights. We let Derek Smith and Jay Vincent come off the books and we're still trading 1991's Gatling pick because HOWARD KATZ DOES NOT LIKE FIRST-ROUND PICKS. Unlike Shue, we do not want to bring Jayson Williams back to the tri-state area because we've heard some things, but we will be trading that 1994 pick because Katz.

We do not want Manute Bol and his $1.3 million salary. We're not moving G-Man. And we'll have to deal within Shue's context, presumption of health for ol' Johnny Dawkins.

Instead of dealing the 1994 pick for rookie Williams (who made $500,000 in 1990-91), maybe we can push that 1994 pick to Golden State for veteran Tom Tolbert, making $400,000. Or for Larry Krystkowiak ($605,000). Or we could pick up Rick Mahorn's $1.6 million option (declined in our timeline) and package it with the 1994 pick to Miami for Grant Long, making $300,000 but due for a raise. These are the beef stakes.

Clipper guard Ron Harper returns from his ACL tear midway through 1991-92, could we tempt the Clippers into freeing L.A.'s $1.365 million commitment from the Clipper books? You're going to pay that to Harper for only half a season? Dangle that No. 16 pick at the 1991 draft in front of the Clippers, especially if we're cutting $200,000 in the move from Jayson Williams to Grant Long.

Would Jerry West take a 1991 first-rounder for 29-year old Byron Scott? Would the Trail Blazers take that pick for, oh man, Dražen Petrović?

Portland earned a future Nets selection (No. 13 in 1992, Bryant Stith) for the 25-year old Petrović midway through 1990-91, swapping for the closest pick it could get. What if Philly beats New Jersey to the deal, offering a 1991 pick? Not as tasty as a floundering Nets future first-rounder, but its immediacy is chewy.

The No. 21 pick in the 1991 draft, making $500,000, was worth a 1994 first-rounder in our timeline. What if Philly held on to the pick throughout 1990-91, past Dawkins' injury, and traded it to New Jersey for Mookie Blaylock on the same evening the Nets chose Kenny Anderson No. 2 in the 1991 draft?

Offering the 1991 and 1994 picks and Kenny Payne to Phoenix at the 1991 draft for Kurt Rambis and 1991's No. 48 selection Cedric Ceballos works. Papers would see it was two picks for the stately Rambis (whom the Suns recently extended), I would see it as Katz hates picks and I don't have to pay Kenny fucking Payne nearly a million over the next two seasons, and let's see what this second-round Ceballos kid can do at camp. All this for less than half of Bol's $1.3 million.

With that cap space, maybe I can offer All-Star Hersey Hawkins to Sacramento for not-yet All-Star Mitch Richmond and Ralph Sampson's contract. Maybe Hawkins to Seattle for low-ebb Dana Barros (whom Hersey would later be traded for) or high-ebb Derrick McKey.

Maybe I can offer Hersey Hawkins to New York at the trade deadline after Hersey makes the 1991 All-Star team, see if they'll send me Charles Oakley, whom Charles is wildly complimentary of in this book. Or Hersey to Phoenix for Jeff Hornacek.

Hawkins was an All-Star in 1990-91. Want to hear the weird shit another team's owner said when Hawkins, the nicest guy in the NBA, made the squad in place of injured Larry Bird?

This is ex-Pistons owner Jack McCloskey:

"Today is a dark day in the NBA for effort, enthusiasm, talent and hard work," McCloskey said in a statement handed out Thursday night before Detroit's game with the Chicago Bulls.

A statement! He wrote it, had a chance to think twice, decided to follow through.

"The league has elected a guard for injured forward Larry Bird on this year's All-Star team, therefore bypassing possibly the greatest defensive player to ever play the game - Dennis Rodman. This is a gross injustice and cannot be explained rationally,'

Holy shit, what an [NBA team owner].

Dennis Rodman is the greatest defender I've ever seen, Hersey Hawkins is nice but no Dennis Rodman, but what an awful thing to say about the highlight of someone's career! Dennis made the All-Star team the year before, he wasn't some martyr in need of All-Star support.

'Outrageous!' co-writer Roy S. Johnson relayed several long instances of Barkley's frustrations with Hawkins' hesitations, so much so that Hersey was the impetus for the "misquoted" scandal!

Charles Barkley Thursday said he will try to stop the presses on his autobiography because he claims his co-author distorted comments by the Philadelphia 76ers' forward.

Barkley said he called his agent asking him to prevent the book's release after excerpts appeared Thursday in the Philadelphia Inquirer.

Excerpts from 'Outrageous,' co-written with Roy Johnson, in the Inquirer included comments from Barkley calling club owner Harold Katz cheap, and degrading teammates Armon Gilliam and Charles Shackleford and former coach Matt Guokas.

This, from the UPI copy headlined 'Barkley wants his own book banned.'

Armen (he later changed the spelling of his first name) Gilliam is accurately depicted in Barkley's autobiography:

'No I didn't say that,' Barkley said. 'It doesn't matter what it (the quote in the book) says. First of all this is from last year, this is not from this year, I have no problem with his game this year.

'The two concerns I had last year, I didn't think he was a consistent rebounder or a defensive player.'

Hi, 1990s power forwards-guy, here. Charles is correct about Armen Gilliam.

The book also quotes Barkley saying the trade for Gilliam last season was 'stupid' and Katz 'knows about as much basketball as any fan who sits around watching games all the time – not much.'

That's, like, the nicest thing Charles Barkley's book said about Harold Katz.

Barkley also said his comment in the book saying he is 'too cheap' to buy a team plane like the Detroit Pistons have was said in jest.

'That was a joke, that was a joke,' Barkley said. 'The question was said in jest and I don't think Harold's going to get upset.'

Those weren't jokes. I'm not saying those few pages weren't funny, that gleeful sport wasn't made over requiring private accommodations, barbs landing with ease and comfort. But Barkley wasn't kidding.

The "misquoted" controversy kept onward. Bob Greene, disgraceful writer later revealed to be a graceless person, called Barkley the 'front-runner for Idiot of the Year.' This is a designation I later gave myself for spending two days reading Bob Greene's holy-shit-get-a-load-of-this-dweeb book about Michael Jordan.

Barkley's book release also coincided with Barkley's late-night brawl with a guy that deserved it, up in Milwaukee (obviously). National media swarmed into Philly:

Barkley is also a magnet for the media. Writers plan their winters around him. The standard M.O. for covering the Sixers is to get a spot close to Barkley and turn on the tape recorder. However, covering him can be a grueling job. Reporters spend nearly every waking moment following him, for fear of missing something controversial that will turn into a major story.

"It gets old. He wears you out," said one NBA reporter.

This year, more than ever, Barkley's act could be wearing thin in Philadelphia. Ongoing problems with management, particularly over acquiring help for the enormously talented Barkley, have come up regularly. Asked when the Sixers will win a championship, Barkley says, "When I get some he'p, baby."

The reporter then asked a normal person for his thoughts.

"I don't know why you couldn't like him. He seems like a fun guy," says Jazz coach Jerry Sloan.

The book hit the shelves, relieve those shelves!

"The book is coming out," Barkley said. "There are going to be a couple of things (wrong). The majority of the book is correct, and I stick by it."

"I don't like doin' this stuff," he tells reporters clustered about him. "I like meeting people. That's why I smile all the time . . . playin' basketball. I play basketball and make $4 million a year. I should smile all the time."

I'VE DONE MORE ACCIDENTALLY

These were fun. Thanks for reading!