There is NBA free agency!

And NBA free agency has overwhelmingly become the realm of the role player.

Sorry, Paul George. I guess that's what you were last summer, hopping up on stage with ABC and Joel Embiid. A role player.

Some former All-Stars switched teams as free agents on Monday, but, they were former Nets All-Stars.

No disrespect meant to Brook Lopez or D'Angelo Russell, but I'm not sure Nets count as All-Stars. Disrespect meant to the Nets.

The best player to switch teams? Well, DeAndre Ayton hasn't signed with a new club yet.

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CLIPPERS

Brook Lopez, two years and $18 million.

So, who made the call on this deal?

Who?

Lawrence Frank?

(This reference would work better with film, but 2008 video evidence of newly-drafted New Jersey Net Brook Lopez failing to immediately recall the name of New Jersey Nets head coach Lawrence Frank was scrubbed from YouTube in favor of the NBA's basic-ass recap.)

Lopez turns 38 next spring, his three-point legs could return without the burden of jumping tip every evening, or the Clippers may not even use him that way.

Which way is that? The way that used to make Kendrick Perkins look silly:

Ivica Zubac was really worn out in the playoffs and for good reason, the Clipper center guarded dang-near everyone (and twice) in the regular season, one of the most unrelenting defensive seasons I've seen from a big man since Brook Lopez with the Bucks.

Sorry, Bucks fans. But whatta ride.

HOUSTON

If the Rockets are able to keep Cam Whitmore but still sign Clint Capela (three seasons, $21.5 million) and Dorian Finney-Smith (four and $53 million), very good!

I'd worry about Capela in a year or two, maybe next season. Everyone loves Dorian Finney-Smith, he's back home down south and is used to the heat and water pressure and does that mean he'll shoot over 36 percent from deep the whole time? Can he stay on the court in the third year of his contract, let alone the fourth?

DFS turned 32 in May and managed 43 percent from deep as a Net last season, 40 percent with the Lakers. Worth his weight in gold in development, showing Tari Eason and Jabari Smith Jr. and Amen Thompson where to put their hips, when to reveal tricks. When to lay bricks: Houston now has plenty of personal fouls to go around.

It will be painful, working into Houston's lane, and they'll have enough bruisers to slap forearms, earn the contusions that we don't want Kevin Durant and Alperen Şengün playing with.

Is that worth paying DFS what appears to be guaranteed money through his mid-30s? The Rockets, and the rest of the NBA, appear to have bet on the middle class. The cap rising, yearly personal payroll numbers which aren't fit for our 2024-25 tastes will sing better in 2025-26 and especially 2026-27.

DFS at $13 million in 2028-29, though? He better teach real good.

ATLANTA

The Hawks, bodacious, all full of long-arms and quick thinkers. There will be so many blind passes flung backward into the frontcourt from Hawks in 2025-26. Hawks boldly stealing the ball and cleverly whipping it behind (but ahead) to whichever Hawk is free for a second and wants a dunk.

Four-years and $62 million for Nickeil Alexander-Walker is a strong investment, he is the sort of personality to want to improve under this contract. Luke Kennard at a year and $11 million helps a team get through a long regular season, 82 games aching for three-pointers.

Terrific work from the 42-person staffed Hawk front office, turning trade exceptions and bad leaguewide luck into a real chance at turning the corner in a meaningful way. One which lasts beyond the limited competition of 2025-26.

Strong coaching and waves after waves of good players. That's a way to build up regular season wins, and wear out an opponent or three in the playoffs.

MIAMI

Davion Mitchell, two years and $24 million. Keep building!

Building enough to push Davion Mitchell down the rotation.

DETROIT

The Pistons need depth, can't argue there, I worry about too many minutes for Paul Reed (two years, $11 million) and Caris "Stop Calling Me Left-Handed, Kelly" LaVert (two years, $29 million).

Detroit requires wing depth with Jaden Ivey out for a while and Jaden likely needing a few months to work himself back into NBA strength even after he's cleared for games. Tobias Harris could go at any moment, either as a player or someone to trade (Tobias is on the final year of his contract), Ausur Thompson needs patience, Ron Holland needs space.

Of course, the Pistons took off in 2024-25 with Holland stealing developmental minutes the entire way, plus/minus be damned, and Detroit truly took off when Ausur Thompson returned from his scary medical setbacks. These aren't just players who need minutes, these are players who played minutes last season, players Detroit won with.

LeVert can create, Detroit misses competence in this area when Cade Cunningham sits next to Jaden Ivey (but in street clothes). If doled out in dollops – LeVert certainly should be marvelous for any locker room as tender as Detroit's – it is a terrific fit. The price is nothing, and Caris can play.

Just don't play him too much.

SAN ANTONIO

Luke Kornet, four-year deal, $41 million.

The large thing that none of us like discussing? Victor Wembanyama's blood clot. There may be months, seasons, the Spurs go without Victor Wembanyama, Luke Kornet is better than Thomas Bryant or Zach Collins, taller than those Australian guys.

Must someone making eight figures per NBA season work in every game? Not if they are 7-feet tall.

MEMPHIS

Much commitment from the Grizzlies, three-years for Santi Aldama ($52 million) and Ty Jerome ($28 million). Can Ty Jerome do all that against Western competition? Santi Aldama sometimes can.

Cole Anthony was bought out to facilitate these moves, which include Jaren Jackson Jr.'s contract extension.

Cam Spencer earned a two-year, $4.5 million deal.

THE SIXERS?

The Sixers are Trendon Watford, but they are not Guerschon Yabusele, which is unfortunate. Word is still out on whether or not they will Quentin Grimes (R).

Kelly Oubre and Andre Drummond back.

MINNESOTA

Joe Ingles for a year and $3.6 million because, I'm convinced, Alex Rodriguez is fascinated with Joe's accent. A-Rod probably twirls a boomerang while walking the hallways, hoping Joe Ingles offers to show A-Rod how to fling a boomerang.

A-Rod will say something strange like they did have Australia when we played and Joe will say you didn't play basketball, Mr. Rodriguez and A-Rod will say yeah and they'll just stand there for a while, A-Rod now holding the boomerang like a bat.

And then Joe Ingles will step up for all of us and ask, also, sir, did you mean the country or Australian baseball players and A-Rod will say for sure! and throw the boomerang overhand down the hallway, where it hits the floor almost immediately and skids to the feet of Pablo Prigioni, who has already seen this scene play out before, and knows what to do.

MILWAUKEE

Reports are of "cooking."

NEW ORLEANS

Kevon Looney got two years and $16 million from the Pelicans which is bad news, because I thought Kevon Looney was still pretty good last season and will be the next season and next after that, and this means Joe Dumars and Troy Weaver thought the same thing, too.

Probably shoulda put this lower in the email, on account of my credibility aligning with that of the New Orleans Pelicans front office.

Looney is perfect for this team in many ways, most of which will be showing up in good enough shape to ensure he suits up in nearly every game. Not a hallmark in New Orleans, for several players past and several players present.

PHOENIX

Suns got themselves a mensch: Nigel Hayes-Davis is back in the NBA:

BOSTON

Luka Garza earned two fully guaranteed seasons with the Celtics, $5.5 million total. Maybe he sat on a cushion or something.

Boston won't have seen this many missed turnaround (and around again) 14-foot jumpers since Dino Radja's back said "ne."

KNICKS

Jordan Clarkson.

Yes. Very excited.

INDIANA

CHARLOTTE

Signed Mason Plumlee.

Quite the roster they have going.

AL HORFORD?

A gentleman center deserves to be wined, dined.

I do not know where Al Horford's offseason is but I bet he can find six five-star restaurants within range of his his particular camp.

Not five, six. The Celtics do not get to order ahead and bring food with them.

We're not going to fill the kitchen up with leftover tubs, we're not going to eat scallops that have been overcooking inside plastic for the entire car ride over. And takeout pasta is hopeless.

What we do need to see is the magnetic strip on six different company cards from the six teams listed, the server gawking at the team logo as they walk toward front of house to show everyone else.

CHICAGO

Three years and $24 million for Tre Jones.

ORLANDO

One year and $7 million with Tyus Jones.

KELLY

What.

DID YOU GIVE UP? YOU GOOD? AREN'T YOU ANGRY AT THE BULLS?

They haven't signed Josh Giddey yet.

THEY'RE GONNA SIGN JOSH GIDDEY, KELLY

Yeah, but, not yet. Not tonight. And we've got tonight.

I'M GONNA ... I'M GONNA MOVE ON TO SACRAMENTO

Signed Dennis Schröder, this is Dennis' tenth team, not counting two trips with the Lakers.

I know it's late.

DENVER

Attached an unprotected 2032 first-round pick to Michael Porter Jr.'s fissured up quadrants and ended up with Cameron Johnson from the Brooklyn Nets.

Johnson, who will be 36 on the night of the 2032 NBA draft, is a career 39 percent shooter. He tried passing last year, he can fit in.

It is an ideal match, one the Nuggets could not nudge until Denver was able to free up a future first-round pick.

This is a good, this is a "yay," and this is a certainty that the Nuggets will have to pay into win-now players for 2031-32.

When 36-year old Nikola Jokic is either a tasteful bit player, or champing for one final title on another team (with the Nugget front office reaping the trade rewards), or well-retired and off the books.

Denver also re-signed Bruce Brown. Same one, cowboy hat, who knows how much his knees have left (after walking around in boots and tight jeans). But, veteran's minimum.

I know you're weary.

BROOKLYN

Michael Porter Jr. makes over $38 million this season and over $40 million in 2026-27, the final year of his deal. No team will trade for that deal in a bid to vault over the top, not even in the East, but that doesn't mean the Nets can't find a home for MPJ in February, June, or next February. In the meantime, he's here to keep the scoreboard respectable and give up wins with his defense. Brooklyn is after lottery odds.

And, yes, the Bulls could probably manage to make their way into this miss, attaching a pick to Patrick Williams for MPJ. The only thing saving Bulls fans from this monstrous reality is knowledge that Artūras Karnišovas is not aware that NBA teams can trade picks and players in the same transaction.

Day'Ron Sharpe's big butt and a game signed for two years and $12 million with these Nets, as did the comeback kid: Ziaire Williams with the same deal, team option for 2026-27. Williams was not nearly as inconsistent last season, two tiny contracts for two good, NBA rotation performers.

Of course, this is me talkin' as June meets July, comin' thro the rye:

DALLAS

D'Angelo Russell at two-years and $13 million with a player option is probably better than Spencer Dinwiddie. These two need a podcast with each other someday, they keep replacing each other and it would be wonderful for them to compare notes.

Like that movie where the two most beautiful actresses I've ever seen team up to yell at Robert Downey Jr.'s character while he cries on the phone with his mom, whichever 'Iron Man' that was.

UTAH

Parents, please ask your kids to come in the room.

Children?

Don't trust Wikipedia. Don't be like me. I remembered the Jazz drafting a guard but didn't follow up, looked like a fool.

Also, kids?

Butt. Butttttt. Butt-face. OK, go play outside, get out of here!

While we're at it, check out this Wiki page that someone wrote for himself. I looked him up because I found his Spurs analysis rather novel:

Amazingly, assuming Charania’s report is correct, Kornet will be paid approximately 75 percent of the $55.175 million that Wembanyama will earn for his first four years in the NBA. The 7-foot-3, 21-year-old “Wemby” was the No. 1 overall pick in 2023. The 7-foot-2 Kornet signed as an undrafted free agent out of Vanderbilt in 2017.

All terms, approximate. Including "amazingly."

LAKERS

Jake LaRavia, two years and $12 million to run and catch and try to finish.

Come on, Jake. Concentrate, this time! Concentrate!

FREE AGENTS NOW

Johnny Juzang, Cole Anthony, Cody Martin.

That's a Purple Riders of the New Sage song, a Poco song, and a Flying Burrito Brothers song.

DEANDRE AYTON

And like a fox.

Go to the Lakers, DeAndre. Learn how to drive in rain but with exceeding caution. Receive lob after lob from superstars who know what it is like to work with a center who will eventually let them down.

Go to the Lakers, Mr. Ayton. It isn't like you were ever with the Blazers.

The Lakers are piling up cap space in 2027 because they think Nikola Jokic or Giannis Antetokounmpo want to take less money to be the guy that replaces LeBron James.

NBA stars love displacing legends. Remember those Bulls titles from 2001 and 2002?

ALL THAT YOU DREAM

Thanks for reading! I love it when the slop solidifies.