The worst of the West's offseason

LeBron James turns 42 in five months, no NBA player's been any good at age 42. Until LeBron, Robert Parish was the most effective two-way 41-year old in NBA history, and this is what that looked like:

LeBron James could be marvelous at age 42, maybe 43. Or, twinges could develop into throbs which progress into setbacks, and he misses most of his next contract while recovering in street clothes.

Yet nobody should bet on LeBron James [mast]ery ending any time soon, which is why the NBA world eagerly awaits his latest decision.

The first, which sent him to Miami, is old enough to take a driver's test. Remember Vitamin Water? That shit was everywhere, more additives than the gasoline available when Robert Parish was born (1953, when gas was thirty cents a gallon but a black-and-white six-inch television cost $5900, not accounting for inflation).

Anyone is correct to conclude a 42-year old LeBron James additive makes any NBA team better in 2026-27. And even if his stellar play doesn't hold up with his new team, we will forever wonder why it ended so poorly in Los Angeles. The perfect opportunity for a slow and productive fadeout clipped in favor of notes from the executives. The departure makes little sense in 2026 and the gulf between "why" and "why in the hell?" will only grind greater wings as years move along.

Future humans? Hello from the past. We don't know why the Lakers did it, either.

LeBron is no perfect fit with the ball-bouncing, zero-defending Lakers, but he's similarly out of place (if not style) among Miami's (less effective) two-point shooters.

Or Golden State's carousel of injured 2015 All-Stars. He no more puts Philly closer to the championship in the wily East than he does the Lakers in the closed-off West. Tossing him back on Cleveland intrigues – two bigs!! – but Donovan Mitchell and James Harden are Lake Erie's semi-fetid flows compared to Luka Dončić and Austin Reaves' Pacific pivots. The only time Mitchell and Harden hang ten is when their season ends after a 5-5 playoff run.

A 41-year old LeBron James is no answer, anywhere, which is why it is so entertaining to watch legacy and in-prime power dynamics take a backseat to basketball on the way toward his choice. Many mountains will move after he delivers his destination but nearly as much will be wrung out of the process, which so far is gleeful and silly and inoffensive despite the seeming inactivity.

There's a lot of fun here and yet the Lakers aren't a part of any of it. The Lakers are one of the three (out of 30) teams that did not call LeBron's reps in a bid for his time, besides the Bulls and Bulls again.

He's 41. The Lakers may have signed off on only missing the last two-dozen games of LeBron James' career or the final 20 dozen, doesn't matter, what counts is the sign off. The series wrap on LeBron James, clapping and hugs from everyone on set before filming resumes apace after James drives off the lot from under a raised gate.

And for what, a big man?