2025 NBA draft, mostly over

Is this a little late, maybe early? Sure, but you shoulda seen my front lawn.

Had to mow it. And if I want to keep the patrolling cops off my ass about the cats running outside, I gotta keep a tidy front lawn.

Back lawn? I could lose the 1986 Houston Rockets inside that green.

They'd be like why did you pick us to lose in your tall grass, it coulda been any team and I'd yell to the last place I saw them, it's because the 1986 Houston Rockets are famed for their length, and hey, I think I see Jim Pete!

Obviously I'm a little delirious from the sun, slight manual labor. A perfect time to edit all the notes I took last night during the 2025 NBA draft.

On ABC. Yeah, after a day of making fun of the ABC version of the draft I ran over to my parents' house with my wife for a nice visit and accidentally clicked the ABC copy of the draft, fast-forwarding through picks to avoid the only person paid to know less about the 2025 NBA draft (Stephen A. Smith) than me, somehow stopping twice on times Bob Myers brought up a guy he didn't draft (Stephen Curry).

Well, at least I could catch up on what I missed via Twitt-, well, no, took that off my phone, or at least Woj-, well, no, he's off taking notes about someone's guide hand while observing a contest on a sweltering Connecticut blacktop court.

The more I write about Woj, the more I know why he did it. Typing "Connecticut" is awfully satisfying. Connecticut. Connecticut.

The NBA draft is fun, let's try to keep it up for another day.

THE DRAFT HAS ANOTHER DAY ON THURSDAY NIGHT

OK pal. Can't fool me, I know this is Thursday.

ATLANTA

Moves back from No. 13 to No. 23 just because Joe Dumars wants to bop up 10 spots, because Joe has a guy, Joe and Troy Weaver have a guy. Joe and Troy Weaver wanted to draft every guy in this draft.

Atlanta recognizes thirst when it sees it and does what typically seals the deal, and added several grams of sugar: Derik Queen is a bucket machine, though I'm not sure for which professional league.

The Hawks lost out on Queen at No. 13 but gained Asa Newell at No. 23 and a first-round pick (best available from New Orleans and Milwaukee; Milwaukee could sneak into the lottery, New Orleans could win the lottery) in 2026.

And 2026 is the year NCAA players realize that hundreds of thousands from the NBA are better than the NCAA's tens of thousands (and all the free sweatshirts you can grab).

NEW ORLEANS

Joe Dumars giving good Ditka, and Ditka was only good for Chicago and in the 1980s. Barely even then.

Picked up Derik Queen at the cost of two players, one of them potentially playable, the No. 23 pick in the 2025 draft and either NOLA or MKE's un-pro-tec-ted pick in 2026.

That's ... that's terrible. I hope Willie's savvy to the split. I don't know what that means, I just heard Jim DeShaies say it, spelled Jim's name correctly on the first try.

Troy and Joe ran drunk on their own comeback story, confused "new" with "better" and "immediacy" with "success."

I've spent more time in New Orleans than any other major American city in 2025, more than Indy, more than Chicago, more than Memphis. I love that place, mostly its people. La rues? Eh, fancy and old, pretty, I can take 'em or leave 'em.

But the people? I love New Orleans.

They were humped out of a professional basketball team in the 1970s, and they're being humped out of one in the 2020s. The team did the correct thing in asking the NBA for help and the NBA sent them a suit (Troy Weaver) and someone to talk to season ticket holders (Joe Dumars on the Pelican floor, surrounded by empty folding chairs, addressing 44 Saints fans) instead of someone to turn the basketball team around.

Anyway, the Wizards got three second-rounders for moving down three spots, No. 18 to No. 21.

Atlanta got two first-round picks for giving up No. 13 but keeping No. 23.

That's a bad trade from the 1980s. That's a trade I look up in the summer and riff a column over and feel bad later because, who knows what was driving deals in 1983?

In 2025? I know exactly what drives these trades.

Those drive-through daiquiri places they have all over New Orleans, up and down the way to work. Those mammerjammers stay frozen the whole drive if you hold them right.

Jeremiah Fears was a great pick. Fine to watch. Joliet plus touch. Needs a few years, coupla hundred pounds first. NOLA did not blow its own pick.

But, trading one's own future first-round pick, in the West?

Never bet on yourself.

WHEN MARK DEEKS SPEAKS

I, read.

Depends on if Maxime Raynaud comes sans culottes or with them.

Sorry.

I've been on the road a lot.

THE BULLS

The Bulls went young, Noa Essengue. The Bulls did well!

He may stink someday, it has to be "someday" because he won't play for a long time. Noa is two years and two months younger than Matas Buzelis, whom I would not admit entrance into an R-rated movie. Not as a movie theater employee but as a paid customer, I would walk across the lobby to stop someone who looks like Matas from observing a movie with dirty language.

This pick is twenty-six months younger than a player who looks like he belongs behind the wheel of a car with a brake pedal on the passenger side.

All the more reason to bring Taj Gibson back. He'd learned to write a check before these two were even born.

Essengue is the guy who skipped out on his team in the championship round, up 2-1, to answer questions at draft media day, walk the red carpet.

Noa might be great, might be good, probably not, doesn't matter, Bulls went for the biggest swing at the weakest slot and that, my friends, is what you gotta do.

COLEMAN HAWKINS, CHUCKY HEPBURN

These are names I need to see in Summer League.

I think I know what position they play.

THE SECOND ROUND

Analysis on those picks may have to wait because I can't get the NBA's draft feed to refresh, still stuck on No. 30 and I cleared my history, cache.

And I can tell because the Terry Cummings page on Basketball-Reference is never blue, always purple.

MIAMI

Kasparas Jakucionis, now there's a "steal of the draft." Space is unreal in the NBA because defenders stick to everyone, there is none of the cloud which exists at the NCAA-level. The game will look so wonderfully wide open to Jakucionis, all he has to do is make shots, not jump in the air to pass.

Stay on the ground. Do this, but with the basketball:

ACE BAILEY

Know what does a good job at forcing young goofs into acting like NBA professionals? The NBA.

Not the league or the money or the program they put in summer, the rookie camps, the talks and the three-ring binders to take back home.

No, in September, training camp, actual NBA players pushing and shoving and hurting teammates that aren't acting like proper teammates. That's what typically inspires, say an Ace Bailey-type, to get their rears in gear.

I don't know if John Collins and his $26 million option will be with the Utah Jazz next season, but I know the best thing the Jazz can do for their franchise is let John Collins make Ace Bailey cry a few times.

Ace's agent asking Ace what he's going as for the Halloween parties that they're going to, together, and Ace asking his agent to research re-drafting rights.

If Ace is moved by the veteran bruise? Tell ya what, a P.J Washington but with taste? Steal of the draft.

ORLANDO

I know I said not to replace NBA veterans with low or even mid-level first-round picks but Jase Richardson replacing Cole Anthony (traded to Memphis) is strong work. A Greg Anthony-to-Jason Richardson-like upgrade. He'll bust just as hard and display the sort of confident wile that only the offspring of a professional ballplayer can.

But unlike Cole, Jase will actually make shots. The steal of the draft.

MEMPHIS

Already traded "the Magic pick," unprotected in 2028. They had it for a week.

Picked up Cedric Coward at No. 11, moving up five spots, giving Portland the No. 16 selection and two second-rounders.

So, two second-rounders for a five-pick jump into the late lottery. Still, many suspect Coward is the steal of the draft. Or at least the county.

FAVORITE PICKS

Danny Wolf could be the steal of the draft, a potential seven-foot sixth-man who looks like runs a guitar pedal company.

Hansen Yang, come on:

Portland doesn't care. Coulda had him at 30, 49, 52, 17.

Instead?

Eh, let's just take him now, go home.

The only music I've heard from this kid are the tunes he played in the face of American contemporaries, the combatants in the Combine clip.

Portland had people they wanted at No. 11 and absolutely nobody they wanted at No. 16 but still traded to No. 16, and I get it.

If Portland hangs onto the Orlando pick until 2028, I guarantee I will briefly think the Blazers earned it from the time they traded Anfernee Simons to Orlando before I remember Portland never traded Anfernee Simons to Orlando.

BILLY BOB THORNTON

It is obviously what drives him, if we all combined to give him some money, would he go away?

PHOENIX

Picks up Mark Williams, why.

The Lakers let this guy go because they worried about his dogs, not the snarling kind. Not the tail to protect your rim. Can dunk, can roll and dunk and show good touch, is not great, may not be good. If I were a Suns backer I would not worry over his feet, rather worry about everything else.

The Suns sent Charlotte a 2029 first-rounder (not theirs) and the No. 29 pick, Liam McNeely. Not just for Williams' rights, either, but the expectation that they play Mark Williams at starting center, the expectation Phoenix pays Mark Williams to start at center until Khaman Maluach comes around.

Some don't think he will, some think (at No. 10) Maluach was the steal of the draft. I appreciate what the Suns tried this week, but this post rivals the times conservative cable outlets try to scare with the inarguably popular promises of a lefty candidate:

But the Lakers wanted Mark Williams, so he must be the answer.

The Lakers also ran from Mark Williams, which wasn't tough. The Suns' front office may not remember this.

If Williams turns workable for 30 minutes a night, if Jalen Green's prime is sensible and consistent, if Maluach turns into a bouncy Onyeka Okongwu or Mo Wagner-type, rolling off the bench to create havoc and flip momentum, cool. Very cool.

Do we think Maluach and Williams are a movement? Did they hit on one, miss on the other? Or whiff on both?

Also, wasn't this all for Kevin Durant?

Some of my readers may have children entering their senior year in high school in August, this is a very important summer. Might be best to dismiss the Michigan State literature, the glossy pamphlets, the application form. Nice safety school, sure, but we can do better.

ESPN

The ESPN group was great!

ABC

The ABC group was fuckin' terrible!

WOJ

Needed Woj. Coulda used a lot of stuff – the late Rick Majerus, hats that made sense, Pete Vecsey antagonizing everyone – coulda used Woj.

BROOKLYN

All five picks, and pay attention, because you will win someone's affection and love with this trivial knowledge someday.

BKN GM Sean Marks kept every selection, an NBA record:

Marks began the night by taking Egor Demin, a 6-foot-9 floor general and dazzling passer from Russia via BYU, then followed that by selecting another point guard in 6-5 playmaker Nolan Traore from France. Both came off the board earlier than expected, as ESPN's final mock draft projected Demin and Traore to be taken 13th and 22nd, respectively.

Did they go a little early, now?

North Carolina wing Drake Powell became the Nets' third selection before Brooklyn took Israeli point guard Ben Saraf and Michigan big man Danny Wolf to round it out.

Looks like our Nets hoarded a bit of silver, not enough gold, now the currency is shot to bits and the boats need repairs and all the other armadas are just floatin' around, laughing and pointing:

Did they draft Vít Krejčí five times?

SAN ANTONIO

So Dylan Harper and De'Aaron Fox and Stephon Castle are a clog, so we'd sign up for that clog in a jiffy.

Harper and Castle's brains aren't done, they have several more years to learn the game and those years will also be spent learning to play with each other, a bond which will exist until each quits playing basketball.

Fox? Eight years and four months older than Dylan Harper, their fit doesn't matter. De'Aaron is in his prime and Harper isn't allowed to touch anything yet. I am not Fox's largest backer but nobody has to go anywhere, as it is resoundingly easy to fit three guards onto an NBA court at the same time.

PHILLY

What he said.

BASEBALL CARD GUM

Kids did nothing but shove trading card gum into their mouths for the greatest parts of the 20th Century, only stopping once Upper Deck came in and ruined it for everyone. Kids stopped chewing baseball card gum, America turned un-great.

Beef tallow comes back, but these anti-vaxx weirdos haven't hopped on Topps chewing gum as What's Missing Out There?

I got a lotta sticks of this shit. Couple unopened packs but also some gum just lying around in boxes, lemme tell ya, let me insist, these sticks ain't going anyhere.

Now, I could sell these sticks to these MAHA idiots as some sort of anti-soy maneuver, something to put a wispy mustache back on our nation's group of incoming seventh-graders.

You all just thought of the kid with the mustache, didn't you.

August, first day of junior high, kid with a mustache. A mustache to put Cliff Burton's to shame.

TORONTO

Hey, good start all around.

CMB seems extremely Raptor-y.

Not a lot of minutes available at that size and the Raptors' front office knows this, still wanted Murray-Boyles.

It is cold up there and ten percent more annoying. Raptor fans will learn to get over it once we all start being nice to them for their water.

Canada will have its revenge and, no, it doesn't matter if you were one of the "good ones."

WASHINGTON

Didn't get Ace Bailey, despite a month to move up, but copped Tre Johnson. Either is a fantastic outcome (wouldn't mind Bailey growing alongside Sarr, won't mind Tre either), especially for a team that should be reeling from dropping four spots.

THE KINGS

Already traded "the Spurs pick," the 2027 selection, protected top-four. That didn't take long.

Traded it to Oklahoma City, where else, for Nique Clifford at No. 24.

The Spurs' pick in 2027 should rival that of Oklahoma City's for lowest first-round selection in the draft.

OKLAHOMA CITY

Hated Nique Clifford, apparently.

THIS WILL BE LIKE EVERY OTHER NBA DRAFT

We will overrate everyone because we like them, personally.

We will look at it a third of the way into 2025-26, half the way, all the way, and go, dang, pretty good draft! And we will be right! And that will change, and it will turn into the some Twenty solid Guys, Thirty Guys overall.

Which is great. Welcome to the NBA, Guys.

It'll be at least 2048 before I start making fun of where you were drafted.

THIS IS ALL I HAVE FOR YOU

Thanks for reading!

Ready to talk about free agents, first-time All-Stars, all sorts of dumb stuff. My babies, I promise there is