Four for the road

So, Al Horford is finally off to Golden State, swell, we expected it all summer, it isn't strange, it ain't weird. He may have only recently agreed to that taxpayer mid-level exception, but those papers were signed sometime in April.

Horford's a Hall of Famer but no recent superstar, a longtime role player. There is nothing odd about him receiving passes from fellow olds Stephen Curry and Jimmy Butler. There is nothing distinct about an aging ex-All-Star joining a team with similar habits, concerns.

The problem is that we don't have any interesting fits. Chris Paul is a Clipper, coulda guessed that a decade ago, same with LeBron in Laker gold. Kevin Durant is with a bunch of kids in Houston for title purposes, and for help with keeping the passwords tidy.

Our oldest players in 2025-26 are mostly role players, there are no faded stars, hanging around the wrong team.

Like the time Charles Barkley lined up with Steve Francis. Hakeem Olajuwon and Barkley on one end of the Houston Rocket lineup, Francis and Cuttino Mobley at the other. How do we think that worked out?

Hakeem (44 games, in his second-to-last season with the Rockets) didn't suit up. Mobley didn't start, working behind the twin-small forward attack of Shandon Anderson and Walt Williams.

Francis was great, 18 points and 6.6 assists per game and a co-Rookie of the Year (with Chicago's Elton Brand) nod, but Barkley was forced to retire after Houston's 20th game with a severe leg injury suffered in Philadelphia:

Prior to the 1999-00 season there was outside hope the dueling tandems of the 22-year old Francis and 24-year old Mobley could push another title bid out of the 36-year old Barkley and similarly-seasoned Olajuwon.

Houston failed in previous seasons, surrounding Charles and Hakeem and trio's third star (Clyde Drexler, then Scottie Pippen) with the best middling and minimum players it could fit under the cap.

A month before 1999-00's training camp, Houston dealt all those middling and minimum players (Michael Dickerson, Brent Price, Othella Harrington, Antoine Carr) to Vancouver for the No. 2 pick in the 1999 draft, the disgruntled Steve Francis.

In the three-team, 11-player trade (the largest in league-history at the time) also featuring the Orlando Magic, Grizz GM Stu Jackson picked up a future first-rounder (Marcus Banks, 2003) and second-rounder (Matt Barnes, 2000).

A miserable swap for the Grizzlies, at any reading. Houston even got a first-round pick (Jason Collins, 2001) for helping Orlando unload Don MacLean's $2.3 million contract in 2000-01, clearing full max Magic space for the successful free agent pursuit of Grant Hill and Tracy McGrady in nine months. Orlando was months-deep into its sell off for the 2000 free agent class, Stu Jackson could not take advantage.

Vancouver was done with Francis anyway. At least its press, at least Tony Gallagher of the Vancouver Sun, who reminded his readers that while Francis is "much richer and perhaps even much happier than you, he'll still be a stupid, ignorant dork when he wakes up the next morning."

Joke's on Tony, Steve Francis sleeps until the afternoon.

It wasn't simply the press who rankled Francis:

They had dinner with Stu Jackson. At a press conference, Francis told reporters he was looking forward to playing for the Grizzlies. They portrayed him as a greedy young millionaire.

In the airport on the way home, the agent at the ticket counter stopped [Francis's white co-agent].

"Excuse me," she said, motioning to his companions, "is that a rap group?"

Francis pushed for a deal to Houston, where he briefly attended junior college, and the welcoming arms of Charles Barkley. Chuck sparred with Drexler and famously beefed with Scottie Pippen, but the appearance of a malleable rookie musta warmed Barkley over. From Rachel Nichols:

If Francis was late to their weightlifting sessions, he was fined $500. If he didn't carry a ball to the team bus, as Barkley had asked him to, that was another $500. If he didn't wear a suit on the bench when he was hurt--"showing up, looking like a bum," in Barkley's words--that was another $500. Barkley ordered room service to Francis's room at all hours of the night, made Francis carry his bags and even gave him a slap in the head when he thought Francis was being particularly bull-headed.

As one might imagine, this initially did not go over so well with Francis. There was some yelling, mostly by Barkley. But after a while, Francis noticed that with the lectures, the fines and the pranks, Barkley also was delivering some sound advice, and the more Francis was willing to listen, the more Barkley was willing to give.

The rookie listened because, as Nichols noted, to Francis these Rockets represented the 22-year old's seventh basketball team in seven years. Not counting that trip to Vancouver. I wonder if Steve still has that Grizzlies hat.

The Rockets dealt Pippen a few weeks after welcoming Francis, buttressing the roster with role players with defined skills: Kelvin Cato, Wizard Williams, Stacey Augmon, Brian Shaw. The Rockets cut Shaw, though, and lost the first five games of the 1999-00 season, alternating shit defense with shit offense. The Rockets won two, then lost the next five. The West was like it is today, it took 44 wins for the Sacramento Kings to earn the eighth seed in the 2000 playoffs: Houston's season was over in the first month, even if none of its particulars were playing particularly poorly.

The Rockets were losing a thirteenth time in 20 games when Barkley tore his quadriceps on the road in Philadelphia. His career, save for a token appearance in 1999-00's final contest, was over. "He sacrificed a lot to be here this year, especially for me," Francis told reporters after the game. "I couldn't take my mind off it. It's no excuse, we shot the ball terrible, but we weren't even thinking about the game."

The Rockets signed (the late) Devin Gray to replace Barkley's spot on the roster. By midseason, Anthony "Pig" Miller and 32-year old Matt Bullard were (somewhat successfully) starting in place of a sidelined Hakeem and Barkley. The Rockets took a ton of threes, ranked No. 15 in percentage, and didn't defend.

The team won 34 games, earned the No. 9 pick (Joel Przybilla) in the 2000 draft and dealt it for another 2000 first-rounder (No. 18 selection Jason Collier) plus a future first, which Houston used to trade up in the 2001 draft for Eddie Griffin. Collier and Griffin represented a center and a big forward to play around Francis, each are deceased.

Vancouver's end resolved itself in Memphis. Pippen and Portland worked until it didn't, which led Scottie to 2003 free agency and a contract with the Chicago Bulls.

Chicago already had a point forward, Jalen Rose, and a point-shooting guard, Jamal Crawford. It had a pure point guard, rookie Kirk Hinrich, and even a Pargo point guard, Jannero Pargo.

But Jerry Krause didn't run the Bulls anymore, fired earlier in 2003. Jerry Reinsdorf must have wanted to twist the knife, letting new GM John Paxson sign Pippen to a two-year, $10 million deal ahead of 2003-04. The first of Pippen's many post-retirement contracts from the Bulls.

This counts as retirement: Pippen worked 23 games, 419 minutes, his ex-teammate Bill Cartwright was fired as head coach.

Chicago opened the 2003-04 season benching third-year big man Tyson Chandler, working the 38-year old Pippen (seven points, two assists) 30 minutes in a 99-74 Bulls loss to Washington.

Pippen's body didn't recover. Relegated to the bench two nights later in Atlanta, he missed 7-11 attempts from the floor. The next evening in Milwaukee, in a 30-point Bulls loss, Pippen biffed all six shots. Scottie took a week off because old, eventually returning to a Bulls team in utter chaos, thirteen days into its run.

Rose, promoted as the lead star on a playoff hopeful, was benched. Crawford, expected to blossom, received similar treatment.

“Did I appreciate being one of those guys deemed a scapegoat?” Rose said. “No. I was disappointed by that. As a captain and a leader of this team, and me practicing every day and me coming to perform every night the last year and a half that I’ve been here, I felt like I deserved better.”

Added Crawford, in an ominous nod to his future: “The writing’s on the wall for me.”

Chicago traded Rose to Toronto three weeks later. John Paxson made no credible attempt to re-sign Crawford in the 2004 offseason, instead sign-and-trading him to the Knicks.

Pippen couldn't play, his body was wrecked. Later in 2003-04, Scottie returned for spot duty midseason for a Bulls team trying to lose games under new coach Scott Skiles, Pip working in 11 games (all losses) before retiring.

Pippen was still paid for 2004-05. In his role as Bulls ambassador he sometimes showed up to sit in his front-row seat at home games, and one time while sitting in with the Bulls' broadcasting crew Pippen said Bulls rookie Luol Deng had "big balls" on live television.

Pip said as much during the 19-year old's victorious 18-point, two-steal performance against the Lakers on Dec. 1 2004. Chicago's second win in a dozen tries, a contest in which Kobe Bryant managed 28 points and 10 assists with six turnovers, and Vlade Divac worked but seven minutes off the bench, spelling starting center Chris Mihm.

If the pairing of Bryant and Vlade Divac scans as a little scratchy, forgive and forget: Divac worked only 15 games with the Lakers in 2004-05, zero starts, 130 minutes under Lakers coach Rudy Tomjanovich. Who could forget that? Not everyone.

Here are nine of Vlade's 13 field goals that season:

The Kings declined to sign Divac due to luxury tax concerns in the 2004 offseason, instead inking Greg Ostertag to a minimum deal. Ow. Owwwww.

The 36-year old Divac wasn't expected to dominate in his return to Los Angeles, signing a two-year, $10.3 million deal ahead of 2004-05 after nearly a decade away from the team.

Vlade's Laker reunion, with no quotes from the Laker legend nor Laker brass, was announced on the same day as, well, this:

He was difficult to spot at first when the tractor-trailer with the words ''Diesel Power'' on the side pulled up to the Miami Heat's arena.

Then he emerged from the cab, armed with a plastic water cannon, plenty of one-liners and a pledge sure to make headlines.

It could only be Shaquille O'Neal.

Subtle as a dunk, O'Neal made a grand entrance yesterday at a rally welcoming him to Miami. As he shot water into the crowd of several thousand, a red carpet led him up the steps from Biscayne Boulevard to the arena entrance, where he said an even bigger celebration is in the Heat's future.

''Remember this,'' O'Neal told the fans. ''I'm going to bring a championship to Miami. I promise.''

Los Angeles traded Shaq and lost Phil Jackson in the same 2004 offseason.

Newly light at center, Los Angeles traded a future first-round pick (Rajon Rondo) to Boston with Rick Fox, Gary Payton and $2 million cash for point guards Marcus Banks, Chucky Atkins, and (mostly) Mihm, a 7-foot former college standout and 2000 No. 7 pick. The 25-year old Mihm was midway into a career of making about 43 percent of his two-pointers, so Los Angeles additionally welcomed Vlade back.

Alongside the scraping, shifting discs in his Divac's back:

“It’s been sort of a slow transition coming in with us with the injury,” said Laker Coach Rudy Tomjanovich, who hoped Divac would become more integrated as the season progressed. “He’s a team guy that makes other players better.”

Ditch Jackson but keep the parts of the triangle Bryant likes, plop a healthy Vlade in the post, perpetually fueling Kobe's scoring title. It felt like something to compete in the West, with Caron Butler's off-ball buckets and Lamar Odom's everything chipping in everywhere, Mihm to spell the Laker legend in the pivot.

But Vlade couldn't go. Rudy hadn't coached in four seasons and retired after 43 games due to stress-induced health reasons, a 24-19 record, walking away from a five-year, $30 million contract.

Phil Jackson's name emerged immediately, and when the Lakers missed the playoffs under interim head coach Frank Hamblen (a holdover from Jackson's staff, huh), Jackson was hired in the 2005 offseason.

Divac retired during Lakers camp before 2005-06, the Lakers buying out his contract for $2 million.

“I didn’t have fun anymore with the injury I had,” Divac said from El Segundo, Calif. “If I didn’t have fun, I wouldn’t play my best.”

Divac said he had seriously considered playing this season, “but I couldn’t find the ride that would take me there.”

Beautiful dot neck. My dot neck 335 is from the same factory in Memphis.

Allen Iverson worked three games for the Memphis Grizzlies in 2009-10. There are ten fret dots on this guitar, Allen's hand obscures two of them at the 12th fret, Iverson worked 30 percent of those dots. There are twice as many tuning pegs as Iverson played games for the Grizzlies.

Iverson's contract with the Detroit Pistons ran out in 2009, and Iverson's phone did not ring that summer until the Memphis Grizzlies buzzed in. Iverson agreed to terms, my guess is Allen Iverson did not know who the Memphis Grizzlies guards were at the time, and did not care that he did not know.

Problem for AI.

Memphis' guards were rookie top-five pick O.J. Mayo and third-year Mike Conley, each player a dozen and one-half years younger than Iverson. Mayo ranked second in Rookie of the Year voting in 2009-10, averaging 18.5 points over 82 games mostly because Allen Iverson only played three contests for the Memphis Grizzlies. One more outing than that shiny, blue guitar has humbucking pickups.

I looked up the guitar, I don't know where it is. A billionaire's kid will show up on stage at Lollapalooza in 2026 wearing Steve Francis' Grizzlies hat, Rasheed Wallace's game-worn Hawks jersey, and playing Iverson's Grizzlies Gibson.

Iverson missed three weeks of 2009 training camp with a bad hamstring, bad conditioning, and was told he'd be sixth man, a new role for the 34-year old. Iverson grumbled through the first three appearances, scoring well but listlessly working through Grizzlies losses. Then Memphis coach Lionel Hollins busted Iverson's clams in front of the whole team:

So on Nov. 5, 2009, Hollins asked everyone in a Los Angeles gym to leave practice. That included visitors such as former Griz president Jerry West.

Hollins then got something off his chest.

In front of the team, Hollins demanded that Iverson conform to the team's philosophy, understand his role and respect his teammates.

Several key players say it was an essential move by Hollins, for the sake of the team.

"Last year, it was boiling under the surface. It was boiling over the pot in the locker room. It wasn't as noticeable as far as the media, and this was even before A.I. played. When it became necessary, I confronted the situation. And players recognize when something isn't right and nothing is being done about it. The team was waiting on me to be the leader.

"So I spoke up. Things broke loose and the team galvanized behind the decision that I made to speak up at that point. They were like, 'OK, this is how he is, and he did it with one of the greatest players ever. We can believe.' It just worked out that way. It's not something I tried to do."

It turned the Grizzlies franchise around. The Memphis Grizzlies were able to survive the embarrassments of the last few seasons due to foundation built by Lionel Hollins a few weeks before 2009 turned into 2010.

The Grizzlies waived Iverson (who technically retired nine days later), but three weeks after Memphis pushed Iverson away the 76ers called in.

Iverson, his agent and business manager met with team president Ed Stefanski, coach Eddie Jordan and two other members of the organization Monday to talk about returning.

“Without really seeing him on the floor, I would like to compare him to Brett Favre, a guy who people think is too old to play and he’s almost having an MVP year,” Jordan said. “That’s off the top of my head. When I woke up this morning, I said, ’Maybe he can be that.’ It’s not a big maybe. I think he can be that.”

The 34-year-old Iverson announced his retirement last week after a stint with the Memphis Grizzlies. The 10-time All-Star was NBA MVP in 2001, when he led the Sixers to the NBA finals.

Iverson also bailed on the Sixers before they traded him in 2006.

“We had, at times, a rocky road with Allen Iverson, but we also had a fantastic run with Allen,” Peter Luukko, COO of Comcast-Spectacor, which owns the 76ers and Flyers, told The Associated Press. “The expectations with Allen have changed dramatically. We’re not looking for Allen to individually lead this team the way he has in the past.”

Luckily, the Sixers weren't lousy with young backcourt prospects, ball-handlers Philadelphia needed to employ with reps. Only rookie Jrue Holiday and 24-year old Lou Williams, with Andre Iguodala running point. That's it.

“I told him I would like for him to start, and that’s where it sort of ended,” Jordan said.

“And he was really like a kid at Christmas. That’s how he sort of explained it to me. He’s really excited and we’re looking forward to it.”

The Sixers were 5-15 when Iverson jumped aboard, weepy press conference and all. He played well and mostly off the ball, 14 points and four assists in 19 minutes per game, selected to lead guard at the 2010 All-Star Game.

Allen took leave of the the 76ers by then. His four-year old daughter was sick with Kawasaki Disease, frightening. Iverson was also seen around town, a few different towns, but so what. He didn't like playing 19 minutes per game. It wasn't fun anymore, his kid had a fever, he didn't need to be in a basketball uniform.

JONATHAN KUMINGA

Nobody needed to hear my thoughts on negotiations behind Jonathan Kuminga's contract stalemate – covered with great wit and insight elsewhere – until it resolved itself.

He signed a two-year, $48.5 million deal. Golden State can deal him on January 15th to any team. I won't write about negotiations behind his eventual trade, either, unless Jonathan Kuminga turns into a good NBA player.

Or unless the Bulls consider it. Chicago's gonna consider it, aren't they? They like his "athleticism." The way Jonathan Kuminga looks while standing, waiting for someone to pass him the ball so JK can start his move, butt-first.

If Kuminga starts squaring his shoulders on one end, moving his feet on another? We'll write! There will be blurbs. Bloviating. A squib, a saying.

Not a damned word until then.

MEDIA DAY THOUGHTS

You know, it feels like they do this every year.

JJ REDICK LOVES CHAT GPT

Even if AI spells it "Reddick."

The Laker coach says he moved on from a Wikipedia obsession, which means he never had a Wikipedia obsession, because nobody moves on from a Wikipedia obsession. Not until scanning displacements from each GM-brand 3.736 in. bore family offering from 1989 through 1996.

The brief trip to Wikipedia after a movie or book or album is one of life's small triumphs, pleasures, checking in on the full cultural context of art only recently experienced. The hours spent updating the Wikipedia page with your own thoughts, up all night working on the D.B. Cooper entry, not so much the main suspect pages but some of the, listen, those hours are also to be cherished.

No Chatbot can usurp the immediate thrill of relaying Pauline Kael's pertinent, era-appropriate thoughts to someone who would rather be concentrating on this upcoming third down. A Chat GPT excursion, to me, is no match for discovering you were probably the last to purchase an E-Bow before "E-Bow the Letter" hit radio, or finding out Frasier's dad may have taught your mom English in college. It is no comp for finally discovering what a "Derek St. Holmes" is.

Maybe you'd rather not know, maybe you'd rather do what you usually do, look up an old Cincinnati Red and keep clicking through players and teams and ballparks and cities until it gets political, glaze through sillier and sillier CIA excursions before searching your own name.

Anyway, Ron Oester once shaved his head to break a Reds losing streak and they went on to win the World Series a few weeks later. And 16 years later Ron yelled at a police officer outside a courthouse after his daughter was found guilty in a traffic case. And the Eisenhower administration and really all administrations wasted a whole lot of jet fuel. And I don't have a Wikipedia page.

And J.J. Redick and the rest of humanity will all be embarrassed about this AI embrace someday, right? Like when we think back to before littering laws, when we used to throw trash out car windows? At that cop? Because he pulled your kid over?

The question I have for J.J. Redick is if you were Lakers coach in 2012 would you have shown up to camp wearing Google Glass and he'd be like thank you for not calling them 'Google Glasses' everyone calls them 'Google Glasses' but it is really 'Google Glass' and I'd say yeah I didn't know that until recently but I checked the Wikipedia.

Also, camp hasn't even begun and LeBron is already butthurt.

WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU

Thanks for hanging around through August and September! Contract terms via Keith "Smart" Smith.

Every time Shaq pops into these emails I remind myself to try and include Shaq in every email. Like 'Seinfeld' did with Superman, but then I remember the time Kramer said "but I don't have to like it" and start laughing and forget the whole thing.

Also, Steely Dan memes are 99 percent embarrassing but if you're not using the interior photos from 'Aja' as your Sept. 30/Oct. 1 meme what are we doing here. Take it away, you Two,