Autumn accomplishments

Fall has flung, it is autumn. Beautiful out there, too bad the leaves aren't here to see it.

The NBA is two weeks into its season. Most NBA teams already worked seven, eight games. They have, in spite of the slim term, gotten much out of the way. Good to get the crummy stuff out of the way. For instance: I've watched a lot of Charlotte already and I think I don't have to watch them again this season. Got Charlotte right out of the way.

Let's pour a glass of half-full, discuss the clubs eating vegetables first.

CLEVELAND'S BOUNCER IS BACK

The Cavaliers had all summer to think about that small part of its season without Darius Garland, the All-Star point guard on the mend to begin 2025-26, recovering from surgery, returning from Jack Lambert's Toe.

"Turf toe," toe surgery, doesn't sound nearly as painful and debilitating as turf toe is to an athlete. This is why "Jack Lambert's Toe" is a way better name than "turf toe."

Jack Lambert retired from turf toe after pivoting divots into the blacktop underneath Three Rivers and Riverfront and the Astrodome, digging into Jimmy Hoffa at Meadowlands. I've spent three paragraphs of the 'Cleveland' section discussing a famed Steeler, I couldn't upset northern Ohio more if I listened to the Wyche on my shoulder and posted the Steeler 1976 highlight video, full of Astroturf torque.

The Cavs remain the Eastern favorites, Darius Garland is back on Wednesday, soon to be back in full, and the Cavs survived the rush. A 4-3 record in the East is no great guns but the schedule hasn't been easy, the the problems obvious: Cavs can't score without Garland, what has Jordan Ott wrought.

Lonzo Ball bad so far, Larry Nance nah. Dean Wade, whoops. Donovan Mitchell took (and missed) but two free throws in the Celtic loss, DeAndre Hunter's grating mix of ineptitude and ubiquity (38 percent from the field and 28 percent from deep, though he does hit five free throws a game) is a load.

Lessened. Garland is not Brevin Knight, Brevin serving everyone twice before eating leftovers over the sink, but Garland's respectable piercings help lighten the bucket burden. The Cavalier offense needs air, it acts like the season hasn't begun yet. I wonder why.

The Cavaliers own championship credibility without Darius Garland, he may not always be everyone's favorite teammate but every one of his Cavalier teammates knows the quickest way toward a championship is Darius Garland busting ass in April, May and June.

Nearly six months removed from the last time Darius was professionally charged with repeatedly stopping short and launching a fourth quarter floater over someone nearly a foot taller, Garland returns to a Cavalier team seeking to coalesce. To develop rhythm, become a threat (this was 2024-25's best offense) once again. Darius gets into the teeth like a chia seed.

So Hunter doesn't make long shots, so Ball isn't in shape, so Nance presses. That's what the first seven games are for. Darius Garland made 75 regular season appearances in 2024-25, 2025-26 doesn't begin now because you want this experience, you need it. You growl for it, like Leroy Hoard, looking for the light inside his line.

MEMPHIS

Yeah, it is bad. Move on, figure it out. Rather presumptuous for this outsider to spit, hey, at least they got the Ja stuff out of the way. But, hey, at least they got the Morant stuff out of the way.

Memphis hired Tuomas Iisalo as assistant in 2024, championing a smart market buy. They promoted him to head coach early last spring because they did not want to lose the asset, presumed the plain change of scenery would suit Ja Morant. One training camp in, two weeks later, it isn't working.

We've written off scads of NBA personalities before, most of them turned into valued veterans.

Of course, Ja Morant doesn't look like an NBA player, he looks like a normal person. It is a little easier to wait out the early-20s errors, even the fulminations, of someone Zach Randolph-sized.

There is tumult, turnover, but no salt on Memphis crops.

If Memphis does decide to abandon its franchise player, fine, Ja Morant is the second-best player on the Grizzlies anyway: Jaren Jackson Jr. could use the rest.

They see "gotta have a center" All-Stardom in Zach Edey, who may need all of 2025-26 to recover. Memphis has its pick and the Grizz nailed the last two drafts, Wells and Coward are a pair to be proud of, even if Jaylen (208 minutes in eight games this season) hasn't played any NBA basketball this season.

MIAMI REACKNOWLEDGES MIAMINESS

Easily the most impressive 4-3 team in the NBA, not replete with potential but rife with the of admiration of its opponents, followers, everybody contributing.

PORTLAND PLAYS ON

Did the Blazers have an idea their coach would be sidelined by an FBI investigation regarding his alleged role in rigged poker games? Didn't matter, they handled it. Probably inquired over his role. Maybe asked about the "x-ray stuff," if Chauncey Billups wore the contact lenses around work. Beyond that, ready for it. Done and past them.

The Laker loss was slightly embarrassing but also a classic NBA letdown, right down to the part where Los Angeles slowed them down.

Also,

GOT SOME OF THE GAMBLING STUFF OUT OF THE WAY

It is important that we tap the sign on the wall, whatever sign, tell anyone that needs a sign that there is a sign. Long group of men around our age (Chauncey's 50 to Jontay Porter's 25) that do not think it is illegal if they think they're the first to think of this type of clever stuff.

They aren't. Jontay isn't the first person to consider sustaining a pro paycheck out of increasingly successful sidebets, rather than developing himself up and into into a perfect third forward off the bench. Terry Rozier isn't the first guy to think it was cool to pass shit along. Showing off whether he needed to settle a debt or not. He isn't the first $25 million a year earner to picture a possible four-figure financial addition and say give, me, that, regardless of the acquisition's legality.

That's where we're at now. Someone sparks what they think is a new idea, posts about before researching to consider if other people (fascists, maybe) had that idea first.

Copy and paste to see if you accidentally did an Ayn Rand. Think about what you watched on TV last night, didn't this just happen to Michael Scott?

The NBA requires this, and more, embarrassment. There was enough risible reaction to Billups' head coaching candidacy to pass on him. CB's own merits – jumping from single (truncated) season as an assistant coach to the lead gig – paired with the gravity of his assault allegation. There is no direct line between this and some flimflam card scam, only karmic. Ha, ha.

The Blazers front office skated, might get away with it if 40-year old head coach Tiago Splitter is in any condition to lead. Tiago's experience doesn't date back decades but it dwarfs Billups' work pre-Portland.

Adam Silver, onward and onward the have-it-all feckless lib, could not be bothered to lean in on Rozier. Make this case personal, of interest. Utilize the creativity and spark we want in a forward-thinking leader to dig deeper into, the easily available and awfully discernable in-house NBA chatter that the honeypot-addled FBI needs warrants to make sense of.

We're not chasing down individual prop bet moles, 2.6 per team on average. This is not a person problem but a personality expectation. The NBA requires preparing itself for at least a decade's worth of yearly rookie entries knowing nothing their entire lives but the single principle that every number matters, every digit of data is valuable, every bit of them is up for grabs. The culture isn't begging them to bet, but to sell.

Which, by the way, this email is sponsored by Lafayette Cash, Loan & Security.

Your author put a Les Paul on layaway a while back – see, he's never owned one – and he can't wait to get it home to look under its hood, to see if I've been winked out of my money.

The guitar I found was on sale for about half of what used versions of it fetch online, I sloughed it off due to the guitar's obvious exterior flaw. Weeks later I gave in and pulled one of the million videos discussing the guitar and two minutes into the clip the kid says if you buy this used, make sure you check to see what pickups are in it, advice which would not have helped me anyway, as a pawn shop browser, we're supposed to check our Phillips heads at the door.

It is all I think about. Someone ripping the pickups out, selling them online (for about as much as I'll end up buying the guitar for), resoldering similar pickups in, and then selling a guitar which ran $1299 new in 2024 for $25o to a pawn shop in 2025. Do I believe in conspiracies? If it's a real humbucker, sure.

Anyway, I haven't talked to them about any sponsorship but do plan on showing the guys and gals at the pawn shop this email to see if I can knock ten bucks off the bill.

INDY, HOLY CRAP, WHERE IS EVERYBODY

The Pacers may fall to the Nets on Wednesday night, the Pacers may prevail, what is important to remember is that the Indiana Pacers have like seven, eight NBA players performing at the moment. The Nets have but Nic Claxton and the cork, no bottle. Indiana's surviving allotment, however shocking, is enough to outlast the East.

Accomplishments? The 2025-26 Pacers proved Pacer games remain the most entertaining in the NBA. The Thunder classic, the Minnesota trip, Giannis' game-winner, the Golden State comeback. The close loss in Dallas, sure, not "pretty." But close.

Second-to-last in the Eastern standings, 1-6, but also a game and a half out of the Play-In. Obi Toppin is out for months, Isaiah Jackson isn't his best yet, Jarace Walker can't find a barn to miss the side of. Andrew Nembhard (yoinked shoulder) and Bennedict Mathurin (corrupt foot) have NFL injuries to work through. The Pacers had to go as Mac McClung for Halloween.

Pascal Siakam isn't going away, Aaron Nesmith's outs will resolve to ins, Jay Huff will splash at some point, Johnny Furphy's alright. I promise Jarace Walker might be good.

The Pacers also pushed Myles Turner's return out of the way, gritted through the low point in the relationship. Turner and the Pacers will spend the next decade trying to replace each other in their lives.

What can I say to Turner and Pacer fans, but, "Tyrese Haliburton suffered a season-ending injury." As if those dozens of boobirds on Monday had any ringing idea of Turner's most-recent podcast interview, nobody booing has "hoopshype.com/rumors" in their hourly history.

THERE WAS ALREADY A SOUTHEAST FIGHT

Hot, gnatty, Southeast Fight:

SUBLIME SAN ANTONIO

It was important these Spurs taste a wee bit o' dominance, however fleeting, schedule arguable.

It is important that the players who were not around Victor Wembanyama last season feel this rush. These Spurs must recognize they are capable of sweeping a second-round series in the West this spring.

Dylan Harper's calf injury took our wind for a while but silver linings abound. Out indefinitely as the Spurs tend to turning a 19-year old into a Professional Core Machine ready to withstand the daily NBA rigors of stopping, starting.

These players are so young. If they need a few anonymous NBA months to strengthen a stomach, literally learn to run (but for work), good.

Dylan Harper had all summer to prepare himself for missing out on Rookie of the Year or even All-Rookie glory, the Spurs are loaded with guards and Wemby needs touches. He can guide himself through this, and without the setback of a career-altering injury. He doesn't need the drama, he doesn't need to be his dad's story.

The Spurs dodged something massive and could build something historic out of this bunch.

Indianapolis and San Antonio and cranks about betting, I'm losing my ratings.

LAKERS TURN, BRONNY LOOSE

Los Angeles proved it can coalesce around Luka's nicks and Reaves' scratches. These two will miss games, their reserves now have the same sense memory as the starters.

Don't dream of tossing lobs to NBA heroes. Dream of lofting one toward their kids.

Young hoopers in Florida? Focus on finding Franz Jr. with the ball, Moe the II. Locate Jonathan Isaac's kid, Ronny.

NEW YORK SURVIVES

I don't pay a lot of attention to politics in the tri-state area but I was warned that the Statue of Liberty would be flaunting a garter belt by early Wednesday. Told that anyone clearing over $25 million a year after taxes has to be a bus driver for a whole winter.

Autumn in New York! And if Jimmy Fallon is driving that bus, I'm walking here!

Sun sharply rose on Wednesday, again in the East, French lady gleaming green like a discontinued currency. The Connecticut Knicks are above it all anyway. The Knicks survived a gnarly trip because, my goodness, Miami to Milwaukee? Who books these things?

New York dug in with a new coach and Josh Hart's toughest times and a rough schedule and emerged 4-3, No. 11 Net Rating. Overshadowed in October and loving every anonymous second of it.

NOLA

Accomplishments? They won a game.

It is good and proper that New Orleans beat the Hornets on Tuesday, Brooklyn is the only NBA team which deserves its winless record. Pelican fans deserve something, it has been months. Seven full months. The Pelicans last won an NBA game in March.

Of course, the Pels' last two wins came against the Charlotte Hornets. "NBA" wins akin to saying you've been to a big city when you've only been to the airport.

At least we got Derik Queen out of it, this guy is going to be great once he develops a single muscle in his belly:

October was further recognition of New Orleans' utter and unrelenting ineptitude under the Bensons and franchise player Zion Williamson, which required re-cognition after a September spent talking ourselves into 36 wins.

The 0-6 start reminded everyone the Pelicans could win 40 games between now and the Play-In, barely miss the postseason, and still watch the lottery bounce the No. 1 overall pick to Atlanta because Joe and Troy didn't put lottery protections on it. No conditions on this lost 2026 first-round pick. Completely free of cream-rinse.

The head coach is only around because we're cheap, and would like the whole thing to go away. Williamson's off-court awful hasn't been addressed because, again, ignore it and it'll go away. The Pelicans may have the NBA's two tastiest rookies yet they will not make this go away, not until the group is replaced.

(Also, we gotta warn these bad NBA owners. If the NBA suggests a candidate, do not hire that candidate unless they drafted Michael Jordan.)

A middling Pelican start followed by 7-to-10 days of healthy Zion Williamson? Doesn't help anyone. Zion needs a hamstring pull, needs 7-to-10 days in street clothes, this is how it should be. The Pelicans need to lose every contest but games against the Charlotte Hornets, a group with a superior nickname working without its best player, featurin' a teenager from Duke pulling a dozen rebounds.

Since 2022-23 began, since he turned 22, the 25-year old Williamson's hit for a dozen or more rebounds five times.

HOUSTON, HOUSTON, HOUSTON

Proved to us, maybe not themselves, what they are capable of. We had to see the magic in motion first, and it moves! Four consecutive wins, two losses were in Houston's grasp (a double-OT dive in OKC, four-point giveaway to the Pistons), league's top offense. Big, extra pass, bullies out there.

The average Rockets game features 34 free throw attempts for Houston and 19 for Houston's opponent, these numbers may not sustain but the command is in place, Houston spotting the spin of the orange better than all. Crush on offensive glass, gleam with three-point accuracy.

The lineup is a gas, in place to make Jason Kidd jealous: Alperen Şengün and four lengthy forwards and the NBA's best offense so far. Reed Sheppard doesn't start and good, not until Reed realizes he's working against multimillionaires and not just millionaires on paper. Then maybe he'll stop treating every opponent like some recruit to swipe steals from.

BULLS CAN WIN LIKE THIS

Spent five years telling people how much Zach LaVine gets in the way of winning NBA games, shoulda listened to myself. The lesson? Only listen to some of me.

Josh Giddey registered another triple-double in Tuesday's win over Philly while working alongside a dedicated point guard, Tre Jones, who tipped two assists in 27 minutes while Giddey dished a dozen in 37. Hide Giddey on defense and ensure he is surrounded by orthodox playmakers on offense, he is Eddy Curry again, the Bulls can win with this.

Chicago's spacing, drive-and-kick attack against unsettled feet, is fantastic. And Joel Embiid switches into cement shoes during every halftime, it is good the Bulls took advantage. What matters most is a No. 6 seed, and with six wins pocketed the Bulls can mind the percentages rolling back to normal, the ongoing injuries to the backcourt.

You're picturing the No. 3 vs. No. 6 series, aren't you? Bulls take the second game on the road and the eyes of the NBA descend on Chicago for Game 3, the Bulls lose Game 3 by 28 points, down 32 at the half.

The wide-open East was the NBA's question, all summer, dodging tax the entire time. The Bulls were chided for playing pat, the club's strong end to 2024-25 correctly derided. March basketball is different, kinda shitty.

Philly hero Nikola Vucevic looks better in last two campaigns than Vuc did for four NBA seasons prior. Giddey balls, Huerter hits and runs, and wait until Ayo returns! Can't claim continuity as the goal with Chicago's static insistence, gotta credit the workers.

MAYBE YOUR BABY

Thank you for reading. A few more longtime subscribers re-upped since we last emailed, thank you!