All my early presents

Earlier this year I bought myself a $499 electric guitar from a pawn shop via layaway, an utterly pointless acquisition, a gift to myself.

Earlier this month I swapped out my shaving blade for a new one. I didn't buy a new one, this is a replacement razor from the bathroom drawer, but nevertheless a little treat for me, and the nice person I live with.

Along those lines were the power tubes, vacuum power tubes manufactured in the Slovak Republic. I bought them last summer after the Finals but did not put them into my amplifier until earlier this week. A drawn-out gift! Later today I pick up my new guitar from the shop, a sixty-buck setup, another gift!

So, I'm full of presents, already. Little tributes to myself. The charms of the season are upon me. I'm seeing boxes, everywhere. Wrapped and bowed, cosmic thankyous from on high, direct from the Big Man: I know where my bread is buttered, on the side with Mr. Claus.

This 2025-26 NBA season is great, I love it. The only drag was earlier this week, when most NBA teams stopped playing basketball in favor of the NBA Cup. Which was dumb, but also superfun.

I spotted 25 other gifts to myself, dotted about the NBA. Help me tear at this wrapping paper.

League Pass works wonderfully, the 'Resume' feature finally installed, fewer drop-outs, the continuing coverage of little league halftime basketball events and the gleaming introduction of every hype team in the NBA.

Competitive Cups! We knew the Cups were going to be great, but as we've seen in too many playoff games to count, sometimes the moment can overwhelm (when launching from 25-feet).

But no blowouts, on a night with no other NBA to guide us. The Thunder tuned a few out before Wemby brought 'em back in, but the best part that we can say is that there was nothing that was over by halftime. Unlike too many Game 3s and 5s in our NBA playoffs past.

I don't mind it in Vegas but for the travel, so what if nobody shows up, it ain't my casino. Rows of empty seats towering over the NBA's empty attempt at jiggling grandpa's rat is absolutely suitable for my arid tastes.

Might have a new favorite guard: Dylan Harper. He replaces Stephon Castle.

The Bulls, already exposed. It won't change anything, but the recognition is better by November, less annoying than when it lingers through spring. Two wins, two losses? Nah, what's better is five wins in the first five games, five wins over the next 20 games.

Meanwhile, the Jazz want to build around Lauri Markkanen, the Warriors don't blame Jimmy Butler (19 points in 32 minutes on 51/44/85), DeMar DeRozan still owns trade value around the league but Zach LaVine does not, and chiefly because of the contract Chicago's front office signed LaVine to. Coby White is every team's favorite trade target because, shit, a good player like that is wasted on the Bulls.

The Bulls won 72 games three decades ago this season, all anyone can talk about at the moment is how much the team's old point forward hates the rest of his ex-teammates, coaching staff, front office, executives, ownership. We're hearing him out.

Chicago remains the perpetual No. 10, the worst team in the Play-In, even if What the Elf Happened to Cleveland.

Lakers aren't a drag. These are the last days before the Lakers go Dodger-y, and begin competently arguing for rules which favor the Lakers and Knicks and nobody else.

For now, fun Lakers. And, stop it, we know what the numbers are when Luka Dončić and Austin Reaves and LeBron James are on the floor, stop posting it.

The Knicks aren't messy. Only very, very good. Mike Brown makes everything normal. Sacramento couldn't handle that and the Knicks didn't even want to hire it until five other marks, one messier than the other, turned New York down.

Color commentators by the bench may turn out to be a bad idea, but it's an idea. It works so far because the participants are great. Austin Rivers is a volume shooter with takes but, man, when he hits? Nice stuff.

The nicest of all? The legend:

This is the worst the streaming services will ever be, production staff plus ex-jocks in their first year on the job, and it is already good.

Nobody is their best at something immediately, but we just watched the NBA's new broadcast partners through their novice Novembers and enjoyed every minute. Even the ones which started at 11 PM Eastern. Once these groups grow further confidence, they'll be untouchable. Then they'll be full of themselves and unwatchable, but that'll take a few more years.

What's your tipple, Kon Kneuppel. Another gift to myself, from myself.

Steven Adams and Jonas Valančiūnas fell down at the same time. Happened earlier this week.

You may not have seen it, but it was definitely that thing you felt. And not the cat jumping on the countertop to lap at the butter dish. You don't even have a butter dish, let alone exposed butter.

Jalen Johnson played to script, then better, now we can visualize a future without Trae Young. Jalen, geesh, I saw this guy make some nice passes in his career, but this stuff? He is No. 8 in Assist Rate, 23-10-8.

Cooper Flagg is the business. He might hit 30 free throws in a game.

It absolutely tickles me that the Bears employ Luther "Ticky" Burden's grandkid.

At least the Pels have players. New Orleans has the worst record in the West but won't have a first-round pick for the next 18 months, yet which future would you rather endure: Nets, or New Orleans?

Brooklyn gives away a pick to Houston in 2027, has its own pick in 2026 and zero first-round dues beyond the Rocket release, everything to trade. BKN GM Sean Marks gains a cache of future first-rounders from clubs in Phoenix, maybe Philly, the Knicks, lotta "least favorable"-qualifications in there.

NOLA isn't owed any first-rounders but the team has its own picks and, again, players.

The Nets look to luck out and draft the players New Orleans already rosters. Meanwhile, New Orleans isn't keen to deal Trey Murphy III and Herb Jones for a first-round pick that may turn out to be a lottery pick and then might be as good as Trey Murphy or Herb Jones. Would the Pelicans take any of the Nets' incoming convoluted swaparound first-rounders in exchange for Murphy, or Jones?

Maybe, because the Pelicans' front office is bad. But not because it would be a fair deal.

Until that's sussed, Jeremiah Fears squares his body like ten-year pro, Derik Queen has touch which exceeds his resume, he runs the floor like there's a smiling coach at the end of it.

Wrote all this after the one-game winning streak, cleaned it after the two-game winning streak, then New Orleans does this:

Three-game winning streak. What can I say but "Saddiq Bey."

People recognize how great OKC is, and could be, aren't cowed.

No complaints over the overwhelming favorite so far, only laments. Realizing the novelty, enjoying the fact that a team which should be undefeated could put together a credible trade package for Giannis or Anthony Davis or Lauri Markkanen or Ivica Zubac or the 1989 San Francisco 49ers or maybe not enough assets for 'Odgen's Nut Gone Flake' but possibly enough picks and swaps and players for 'Odyssey and Oracle.'

Cameron Johnson hits from all over, has for a while. Wasn't worried, but a little on edge after that 38.7 career mark in Brooklyn. Hitting 41 percent in Nov. and Dec. and helped put Orlando away with a 3-5 showing on Thursday, needed buckets.

Cleveland got its early presents, six winnable games before Christmas. It barely won the first one before losing the next two.

That's it. We're telling the Cavs the truth about Santa.

Admittedly, another little treat for us.

The Pistons aren't simply great, but finally fun to watch. This isn't dull, there are scads of characters on this team.

There were scads of characters on the 2010s teams – Jonas Jerebko, Cartier Martin, Jodie Meeks, I could go on so I will, Langston Galloway, Austin Daye – but the teams were horrifying. Unwatchable basketball, and for a decade. No fanbase suffered through more than Piston backers in the 2010s, with the possible exception of Lions fans in the 2000s.

These Pistons all full of presents, a young team which hung together, a new GM who didn't blow it up for show, Javonte Green is the greatest, George Blaha is back to calling games thaaaaat count.

I wrote this and look what Javonte did on Monday:

The Boston win was hallmark shit, 47 minutes of Piston basketball (with all its quirks) boiling down to Cade in the lane, Javonte stealing the ball from the other team's sure-handed point guard.

We've got Jaden Ivey back, coach's kid. We've got Stan Van Gundy's bleeping wall, in the form of Jalen Duren and Isaiah Stewart. Ron Holland and Ausur Thompson swiping at steals, Detroit boasts the NBA's No. 2 defense. Everyone's out for Detroit, too, they played the Knicks to the hilt in the NBA's last playoffs with national TV. People are aware of this club and it does not matter one bit to the people on this club.

The new ones, even. Opposing coaches send plays directly at Duncan Robinson as though they're the first ones to think of this idea, as if Detroit didn't spend all summer preparing for this strain of isolation. It doesn't work, and Robinson shoots 40 percent from deep and turned it over 18 times in 759 minutes, 25 starts.

The Pistons are utterly compelling and this will continue, the rebirth of a team dormant since the moment Piston guard Chauncey Billups was swapped for Allen Iverson, Rip Hamilton extended.

A plan with Joel Embiid. All we've ever asked with Philadelphia, delivered. The standings (14-10, No. 5 in the East) aren't the complete answer at the moment, but the work so far is in the black.

The Sixers thought they had a plan before, but any plan featuring the full 82 outings was doomed to from from the crack of the bell. Taking two days off between games is a swing we can get behind.

Working and resting and playing will stiffen Embiid in autumn and winter but he'll grow toward the rhythm, which coincidentally is also the same schedule beat as the first and second rounds of the playoffs.

The Kings want to break it up. Good, the Kings are terrible. The problem is that the ~$75 million owed to Zach LaVine the rest of this season and next.

Some terrible front office has to think Zach LaVine is good. One club has to actually value Zach LaVine and I know what you're thinking, but remember: Sacramento can't trade for Zach LaVine, they're off the board.

LaVine wasn't just De'Aaron Fox's salary makeup, the way toward two first-round picks. The Kings wanted Zach's LaVinety and were about the only team with that feeling at the time, desiring LaVine's charms even without his compensated drawbacks.

Shitty Steve Ballmer's Clippers are nearly as embarrassing as Dickbag Donald Sterling's Clippers. Even without the ongoing Kawhi controversy, Lawrence Frank's outfit ranks similarly as stinky. The Leonard hubbub only hushed in most corners because us NBA nerds enjoy chatting about bad basketball teams more than we do illegal basketball business.

Ballmer's side got to talk through ESPN this week. The Clippers are not as embarrassing as Sterling's go – racism still bad – but the fish still stinks down to its tail: Ballmer's first-world commitment to Leonard down to actual basketball biffs, not letting John Collins and CP3 cook (stop laughing) off the Clip bench. The Clippers are the team which couldn't cut Josh Primo, but made the time to send Chris Paul home from Atlanta.

Why? James Harden and Kawhi Leonard have always looked out for themselves thrice before considering anything else, they're won't huddle for post-loss powwows deep into their 30s. Paul was curt, the Clippers complained about CP3's "delivery" while walking around training camp wearing t-shirts with F-bombs printed on them. What is it with Gen X and rude t-shirts.

At least Paul is talking. Scoff at his sneering earnestness all day, fine, but he speaks life out, leads. The Clippers – ownership, executives, coaches – don't want to upset the stars. This isn't risible in most cases, we're in the NBA, but in the Clippers' particular context the notion is particularly pathetic.

Blaming CP3 is nearly as washed as CP3 himself, as if Chris Paul changing the occasional coverage in his 14.3 minutes per game was the reason the Clippers played terribly when he was on the bench.

A stocking stuffer? This lede.

THE WIRELESS INTERNET worked well on the private plane Chris Paul flew in from Atlanta to Los Angeles the morning after he was unceremoniously sent home and into an uncertain basketball future.

Did someone at ESPN accidentally CTRL-V this to the top of the column?

Orlando didn't stop. Hasn't stopped. Setback after setback, slow start to injury to other injury to next injury, still at it. Fell apart in Denver on Thursday, stayed in the game throughout. Really annoying. Had to watch the whole game.

Basketball-Reference.com redesign. Love a sidebar.

Kendrick Perkins, relegated.

Does anyone on the set of any of the new streaming services even has his number? Not D-Wade and Dirk and Blake and Vince Carter and Steve Nash, they don't. But the executives, the drips who love to brag about putting a basketball players' contact information in their phone.

I don't call for anyone's jobs in basketball, but I sure as shit demand blood from media. This won't be necessary with Kendrick Perkins, due to say something so censurable that even potential future employers at Barstool cross KP off the list (before sniffing the impermanent marker).

Fans are salty over long, drawn-out, redundant, protracted, endless, repeated, NBA endings.

Good. The NBA understands everyone watching on streaming delay is likely caught up by the end of a close contest, the optimal time to desert dedicated eyeballs on a prescription medicine ad. That means they're researching, paying attention.

Now that we understand each other, let's move on. Cut the timeouts, limit replay. We can't have a cliché ride this long.

Players and coaches cherish timeouts. Players don't want the games any longer than we do, but the break is nice. Coaches are just freaky with this shit, diagrams and instructions and secondary and tertiary plans. For a basketball game.

BIG BIRD

The Hornets played this last night and it isn't out of my head yet. Very much recommend sticking 'Complete Singles' on the playlist.

Thank you for reading!